rejectomorph (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rejectomorph) wrote2024-12-13 10:39 am
rejectomorph) wrote2024-12-13 10:39 am
51/90-91: Untimely
So I missed a day, didn't I? I'm just going to say that it dissolved in the rain, like Jimmy Webb's cake. It's not as though I can't keep track of time any more, it's only that I don't. At least that's what I'm telling myself, because I'd probably rather be flaky than demented, but hell, I know I'm getting demented. I do remember waking up Thursday to the sound of rain falling, though, and I enjoyed it because it counteracted the sadness and anxiety I usually feel waking up anymore. I'm not sure if I'm sad and anxious because I've woken up and have to endure another miserable day, or because I've had a bad dream I don't remember but which leaves its shadow over me for hours. But six of one, half a dozen of the other, I'm still sad and anxious either way.
Thursday evening I finally got my orange juice, and my rent check got mailed, and I have a candy bar from Trader Joe's, so I guess all is as right with the catawampus, catastrophic world as I can reasonably expect. Still, It would be nice if I were still sufficiently energetic and mobile to take advantage of the current deals at Safeway. It's only a small handful of things on sale, but very good things and very cheap, and a few years ago I could have hopped on the bus and gone to pick them up myself. Plus some donuts, which I am missing. The whole lot would have fitted nicely in my insulated bag, and I'd have saved about fifty bucks in one fell swoop. I don't want to pester my niece with another chore when she just did one yesterday, and fetched a whole load of groceries for me just last week. Once again, I cannot recommend getting old.
There is rain again today of course, and I'm enjoying the intermittent sound of it, as well as memories of other rainy days the sounds conjure up. I'm thinking I might soon reinforce those memories which involve a cup of hot tea and some cookies. I've lately acquired three types of ginger cookies, highly suitable to the season. Alas, nobody seems to make proper speculass or pfeffernüsse cookies anymore, and I lack the baking skills to duplicate (or even approximate) those I remember fondly. I could probably find something adequate online, but (shudder) online shopping. I do have a few Biscoff Cream cookies left, which are slightly similar to speculaas in flavor, so maybe I can make do. And I'm quite sure I'll get a nap this afternoon, which will sort of get me out of this place for a while. I hope I don't dream, though.
Thursday evening I finally got my orange juice, and my rent check got mailed, and I have a candy bar from Trader Joe's, so I guess all is as right with the catawampus, catastrophic world as I can reasonably expect. Still, It would be nice if I were still sufficiently energetic and mobile to take advantage of the current deals at Safeway. It's only a small handful of things on sale, but very good things and very cheap, and a few years ago I could have hopped on the bus and gone to pick them up myself. Plus some donuts, which I am missing. The whole lot would have fitted nicely in my insulated bag, and I'd have saved about fifty bucks in one fell swoop. I don't want to pester my niece with another chore when she just did one yesterday, and fetched a whole load of groceries for me just last week. Once again, I cannot recommend getting old.
There is rain again today of course, and I'm enjoying the intermittent sound of it, as well as memories of other rainy days the sounds conjure up. I'm thinking I might soon reinforce those memories which involve a cup of hot tea and some cookies. I've lately acquired three types of ginger cookies, highly suitable to the season. Alas, nobody seems to make proper speculass or pfeffernüsse cookies anymore, and I lack the baking skills to duplicate (or even approximate) those I remember fondly. I could probably find something adequate online, but (shudder) online shopping. I do have a few Biscoff Cream cookies left, which are slightly similar to speculaas in flavor, so maybe I can make do. And I'm quite sure I'll get a nap this afternoon, which will sort of get me out of this place for a while. I hope I don't dream, though.