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The year is running down and I'm running with it. It can certainly run faster than I can, and I'm sure to collapse in a heap before I can catch up with it. But it has to get through the entire year (itself) while I concentrate on getting through the day or the week or the night. Time does the heavy lifting around here, and I just veg out. How strange that it turns out to be so exhausting to veg.

We're going to get a few more hot days, and then mild autumn will return next Monday, with nine days in a row with highs in the seventies. After that the forecast doesn't say, but it's been so unseasonably mild so far this fall that I wouldn't be surprised if it lasts clear through October. So far I haven't used the furnace at all, and it would be nice if that expense is put off until November.

Friday will be a grocery day, and I'm eager to see the new Safeway ad. It will arrive overnight, and if I'm awake I'll probably be checking frequently. But I have no idea if I'll be awake or not. At the moment I don't feel sleepy, but it can come on fast. We'll see what a snack does.
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Day almost ending and I've forgotten most of it. I did get some stuff into the wheelie bins, including some recycling stuff that's been sitting around for ages. It was another mild day, but I never opened the windows because it remained comfortable so I just forgot that there was fresh air outside that was also comfortable. It seems that discomfort is one of the few things that can motivate me to act, ever, at all.

The discomfort called hunger is currently motivating me to get off my ass and fix some dinner. I'm thinking I'll probably just heat something out of the freezer. I'm motivated, but I'm not that motivated that I'd cook anything for myself. Lean Cuisine ravioli, your time has come. Just what I need on a chilly night that's starting to feel like autumn.
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Summer unexpectedly turned tail and ran. Saturday was the second of five days in a row with highs in the seventies. Lows will be going down into the fifties and even the forties, including tonight. We'll be heading back into the eighties and nineties again next week, but autumn is clearly asserting itself. It won't be long before every day is cool, every night chilled. My blankets and I will renew our old friendship, and make our own little summers while autumn turns to winter around us.

Saturday's evening nap devoured dinnertime, and when I woke near midnight had no energy for making a meal, and I ended up heating a can of soup and toasting two slices of sourdough. It was perfect for the chilly evening, and required no beer. I'll save the beer for Sunday lunch, which will probably involve something being fried. But not me. I don't do that these days. I'm sort of naturally fried by old age, and it needs no assistance. Not that I'm averse to a bedtime shot in a cup of cocoa, but that's just an option, not a necessity. A nice little extra for the first night in a long time with no windows open and no fan on. Gee, it's quiet.

( Sunday Verse )
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Another day with lots of sleeping, though I resisted the evening urge to nap and ended up microwaving leftover Spanish rice as a dinner substitute, with no beer because that would have exacerbated the sleepiness. Of course it might be that I am napping right now and just don't realize it. My thoughts these days have more in common with dreams than they do with reality. I'll suddenly realize that I've been staring at a wall for ten minutes and have no idea where my brain was all that time. I hear it's going to rain in southern California soon. The forecast has no sign of such a thing happening locally. Too bad. It might wake me up.
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Stuck in a drawer I found an old Mounds candy bar. I'm not sure how long it's been there, but I figured candy might go stale but it doesn't go bad. I ate it and didn't die yet, so I probably figured right. It was, however, repulsively sweet. The chocolate coating was okay, but cocoanut is already sweet and then they add sugar to it, so carrying coals to Newcastle. I don't remember buying the Mounds bar, but I wished I'd gotten an Almond Joy instead. Having a nut in a candy bar makes it seem more like actual food, lessening the guilt of shameless confectional self indulgence/destruction. But there it is, It's done now and I ain't gonna puke it back up. Unless of course I guessed wrong and it makes me sick. Fingers crossed.
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It's starting to look like I had crackers for dinner. Maybe I should have snagged some cheese, or one of those little packets of flavored tuna. But I'm as unfocused as I am unenergetic. I didn't even open a beer. What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe my energy will return Saturday when the high temperature will b e only 75. It's supposed to be 100 again Thursday and in the nineties on Friday. I'm hoping that this Indian Summer from hell will be the last bout of heat we'll have to go through this year, but one never knows. A week into October and we haven't had a decent fall day yet.

A nap Wednesday afternoon might have ended my sleep for the night, but I hope not. I've been keeping close to vampire hours lately, and probably need a vitamin D supplement. And I hope I get hungry again in a while, as I sleep better after an actual meal. And beer. Especially beer.
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So I lost Monday. All day I thought it was Monday and then I heard the wheelie bins being hauled back up the driveway and knew it was Tuesday, and that my memory had skipped an entire day. Since I had no plans for that day it's not that big a deal that it got away, but it's still disturbing. What the hell did I do with it? I think I must have slept through most of it, which is what I did with the Tuesday I mistook for Monday. There are worse things you can do with a day than sleep through it, especially when it's as hot as it's gotten here again. There I was thinking summer was pretty much out of our hair and it comes steaming back. Bugger!

Right now I'm heating up Saturday leftovers for dinner. I'm probably not hungry enough to finish it all, so there will be leftover leftovers, which is one of the things about my life that strikes me as utterly pathetic. I mean who does stuff like that? Leftover leftovers. I'm spiraling the damned drain. But maybe I can make the leftover leftovers spiral the actual drain, and I will be redeemed. But even should the leftover leftovers die for my sins, I'll still be a transgressive cook. Looks like I'm damned either way. Maybe if I stuff myself tonight there won't be enough left over to save as leftovers, and only my arse will expand for my sins. It's worth a shot.

But then I'd have to cook new stuff for another night that would have been leftover leftover night. Shit. Can't win for losing. Now I'll have to cheer myself up with a second beer. I'll need an extra beer to wash down those extra leftovers anyway. So I guess it all works out. How does a guy who cooks too much stuff and loses entire days get so lucky?
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Sitting by the computer nearing midnight I take off my glasses, which are falling apart and have hurty parts on them, and I put them on my lap, I guess. I was nodding off an don't remember. Anyway, I nodded off entirely and was suddenly wakened by a loud crash as my glasses hit the floor. I didn't fall out of the chair, but I couldn't see where my glasses had fallen because I didn't have my glasses on. Moving gingerly, so I wouldn't step on them or run over them with my wheelie chair, I managed to snag a flashlight and, after some time searching I managed to make them out not too far from my feet. I retrieved them, and they were undamaged, or no more damaged than they'd been last time I wore them.

So I thanked my luck and cursed my age, and having become such a stupid old guy. Most old guys get stupid, I think, but I may be a bit worse than average. But on the bright side, I'm not President. You're welcome. I'm just a garden variety old coot who loses his glasses and doesn't start wars. But I'd recommend someone about 2/3 my age for the Presidency. 54, give or take a few years.

Full on heat has returned, with highs of 100 for the next two days and 99 for two days after that. Then we get a couple in the eighties, and finally highs in the seventies Sunday and Monday. After that it's back into the eighties, but lows will be in the fifties. That's what will be going on through the middle of the month. After that maybe the fan-hitting shit from the super El Nino will finally bring rain. Or maybe it won't. Super El Ninos are unpredictable. We'll have to wait and see what this one is capable of. I'm just hoping my apartment doesn't get flooded.
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So I got through Saturday with minimal distress, and only one long afternoon nap. It has heated up again, and gotten very dry, and I guzzle liquids (juice tea coffee beer water) and my throat stiff feels like a Sahara of hopeless thirst. I braised something for dinner and envied it the liquid in which it cooked. I didn't get cooked because the air conditioner was on. If not for that, I shudder to think what would have become of me. But shuddering reminds me of being cold, and that feels pretty good right now, so cool.


( Sunday Verse )
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Groceries were acquired Friday as planned, but the sale I was intending to full advantage of turned out to be limited, despite the coupon for it saying "Unlimited." You can use the coupon multiple times, but not in the same shopping trip. I crossed loads of stuff off my list. I will get some of them on later trips (October has three shopping days this year, and I might finagle one more.) Anyway, I don't have a lot of stuff I expected to have tonight, so plans for this week's menus are unmoored.

A happier thing is that they finally had my favorite donuts in stock, so I'll have at least one thing to cheer mu up for each of the next dozen days. Or a dozen of the next fourteen days, actually. That's when the next certain shopping day is. As for tonight, I just ate a peanut butter sandwich despite all the new foodz in the house. I just couldn't decide from among them. That's more evidence that I'm tired and need to sleep. I didn't sleep well last night, and now I'm all tuckered out. And I never left the damned apartment except to look in the mailbox. What a life!
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No idea what I'm doing. I should be getting to sleep so I can do the grueling online shopping tomorrow. I are a recent dinner of microwaved frozen empanadas (highly dis-recommended) and half a can of refried beans with jalapenos, cheese melted on top (recommended for emergencies.) I squandered much of Thursday on music videos, instead of improving my shopping list. I'll regret that, but too late now. Right now, reflux and cold sweats. What a life!
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It smells oddly damp outside tonight, but no rain is in the forecast. Also I'm on my fourth bottle of water since afternoon, and the air feels very dry. The damp is just a scent. In fact, October is going to start out like a premature Indian summer, with highs in the nineties scheduled for all but one of the next eleven days, and the one that isn't in the nineties is forecast to be 100. Thankfully the nights will all drop into the sixties, except tonight, which will be only 59. For the mini-metropolis, this all counts as rather mild.

Friday is to be grocery day, and Safeway has presented me with a rather complex sale. If I buy 25 bucks worth of certain items, I get ten dollars back, and some of the items on offer are not only quite decent, but are already on sale, so the 40% back is on top of those other other discounts. It's going to be pretty complex to maximize the benefit though, and it might be that much of what I aim to get will already be gone by Friday. It's mice that I get an opportunity to get a lot of stuff pretty cheap, but planning it out is going to be a nightmare. And I'm going to be nervous until the whole thing is over. This is why I hate shopping, even when the deals are good. Well, it's one reason I hate it. There are others, but we won't go into that.

There was no nap today, as I spent so much time perusing the Safeway ad, so I'm totally ready to collapse into bed now. I heated a can of soup for dinner, as I wanted to test it. Campbell's chunky soups are one of the items on sale, and if I work it properly I could be getting them for about sixty cents a can (they're usually $4.99.) Winter ain't icummin in just yet, but it will get here soon enough, and I could be so, so ready. Soup 'till spring! Yeah!
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What I don't remember won't hurt me, I suppose, unless it involves traffic, and I never go out anymore so traffic is not an issue. But that makes me remember the band Traffic with Steve Winwood. So I haven't forgotten everything, and some things I forget I remember later, for what that's worth. What is anything worth, when you think about it? And that makes me remember the band Buffalo Springfield, For What it's Worth. And that makes me remember I haven't dropped a coin into a jukebox for some forty years. Oh, wow, I forgot that? That makes me wonder what else I've forgotten. At least I remembered to turn on the fan, and to eat dinner. I did not enjoy it. It appears that sometimes things you remember /do/ hurt you. Reflux, dammit. Oh well.
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The windows have been open since last night, and it hasn't gotten too hot or too cold. Mild weather is here. It won't last long, I'm sure, but I intend to enjoy it while it does. But I slept away so much of Monday that I'm still unfed. Shortly I will go searching through the freezer for something to microwave. I know it's cool enough to actually cook, but I don't feel like it. The microwave has seduced me, and I may never cook again. If I ever tell you to "let me cook," I will probably be lying. I don't want to cook. I just want to sleep.
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The plan (such as it was) was to get started early and have everything out of the way by early afternoon. Hah! Maundering took over, and there/here I was/am. Maybe I'll feel better if I microwave myself some dinner and have a beer. I'm sure as hell not going to actually cook. I barely got through the day I barely remember.

( Sunday Verse )
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If the hours were venomous snakes they'd have killed me ages ago. I am no longer aware of then slithering by. I believe some of them hypnotize me, and I lose track of when I am. Wandering off into fantasy worlds, I find myself waking from unexpected naps unsure of where I am. Yet I am always in the same place, unurprised and utterly astonished. There is no explaination for any why or what or when, let alone how or where or who, and I might as well give up trying to figure anything out. There's not even any point in wondering how long it will go on, as time has collaped into meaninglesness. Damn. I guess I shouldn't have put that shot of vodka in my breakfast orange juice. Or had breakfast before midnight.
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Damn. Can't keep my eyes open. And I had a fairly long afternoon nap, too, after not getting up until almost noon. I should be all slept out, but I'm not. I didn't even finish the beer I had with my dinner sandwich. Me and Morpheus, we got a thing goin' on. I wonder if the autumnal equinox had something to do with it? Probably not. It was coming on before I forgot about that. It was a couple of days ago, and I sort of slept through it too. Am I going to get a disengagement party? Or will I just get buried?

Oh, I should turn the fan on and open the windows. It's stuffy in here. That can't be helping.
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Rushing through the last minuites of a day I thought was already gone when I woke in darkness from a long nap. Checking the clock I realized there were scant minutes left, and hastened to catch up. I won't of course, but I can make motions. The temperture in the arpartment is dropping fast, three degrees inthe last fifteen minutes, but I still feel sweltery. Soon enough it will be cool, and I'll calm down. I'm going to find some soothing music and maybe fix somthing for my long-delayed Wednesday dinner. Sadly, I still wish I was still sleeping. So it goes, I guess. So summer goes, anyway, and I wish it would go a bit faster.I've had enough.
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I think I was going to post something yesterday, and then I forgot to do it, and now I've even forgotten what it was about. It probably wasn't important. Is anything, really? Anyway, there have been naps and such, and foods of a sort, and my left foot has gone all itchy, which is something I was not expecting. It's also the case that my eyesight is getting so much worse that I can barely see the type in the journal update box, and if there's a way to make it bigger I've forgotten it. Still running afoul of technology after all these years.

An I finally tried to sign up for mail notifications from the Postal Service Monday afternoon, and was utterly stymied by the password field. It kept telling me my chosen password was invalid, but gave no clue why. Then when it quite doing that it told me the password in the repeat box did not match the password in the initial box, but there was no way to make the password visible so I couldn't tell. I mad the word as simple as possible so there would be no mistakes, but the site still said they didn't match. with no visual clue as to what Id written I couldn't be sure I wasn't making mistake after mistake, but somehow I don't think I was. I think their web site is just a pig's breakfast.

An if I can't sign up for mail notifications, then I probably won't be able to order tamps online for delivery to my apartment either. That means an extra task for the nephew or niece, which I hate to do. But I need the damned stamps. I'm going to blame Louie DeJoyboy because, well, who else would it be?

Oh, and Sunday Verse yesterday showed me that my HTML is still messed up when I copy and paste. So I'm going to try to post a YouTube link, just to see if that at least will work. It's a song I came across recently which feels like a throwback to another age.

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Somehow I thought I'd lost an entire day and it was Monday when I woke in darkness, and sleep-addled for hours I found, once I'd realized that less time had passed, that it was very difficult to accept that the reality I'd dreamed away in that nap still obtained. The clock on the computer did not lie, it was still Sunday, though very early, and the nap had only begun Saturday night, but I dumbly stared and still doubted, at least emotionally, despite the perfectly clear facts.

Sometimes a brain does not like evidence, and I have no idea why, but there it is happening to me, of all selves! I dug down but found no alternative to being me, and ultimately accepted my sorry fate. I no longer get along well with time. The relationship has always had an undercurrent of displeasure and distrust, but now it has erupted into something very like a real break. Will I eventually recover my ability to grasp and retain temporal truths, or will I fly apart and scatter my consciousness like a strew of random words in one of my deranged journal posts? Perhaps it will be seen, but will I be able to see it?


( Sunday Verse )
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