Semen of Satan!

[rejectomorph]

There is buttermilk in the house. I wish things such as this wouldn't happen. Every once in a while, my dad has my sister fetch a carton of the stuff. I innocently open the refrigerator, and there it is. Buttermilk. I am compelled to drink some. Once I drink some, I am compelled to drink more. It is like certain snack foods (though, unlike buttermilk, they are actually pleasant to ingest): there is no stopping once you have begun, unless by a massive effort of will. The flavor of this substance I find vile, and the texture revolting. Nevertheless, I must drink it. Buttermilk is like that monster in your dreams, the hideous visage you must turn and see. It is like the horrible, grisly accident from which you cannot turn away, once it has caught your eye. Buttermilk is the nightmare train wreck of beverages! It is there in the other room now, calling me to return. "One more sip," it says, "just a little taste. You KNOW you want it!" Oh, unspeakable, viscous liquid! I refuse! You will not sicken me more! Oh, may I have the strength to resist this perverse longing! This must be what it is like to desire a vampire.

I think maybe I need some tea.

Anyway. The bright moon has at last settled into the western woods, removing the harsh contrasts which had lingered most of the night. Softened, the houses now blend with their surroundings, and the world grows pleasantly vague for a while. Breezes have wakened the pine needles, filling the air with whispers. Very soon, the brief dark that follows moonset will pass, and then the colors of morning will emerge to vibrate on the horizon. I must go out to say goodnight to Orion before he fades. I will avoid the kitchen and its lurking, sour (yet so seductive) threat.

Comments

[gutbloom.livejournal.com]

Buttermilk? I never knew, but now I am infected. I already crave buttermilk with the thirst of the undead. Thanks a lot.

[rejectomorph]

Be thankful I didn't write of prune juice!

I Wouldn't Fall for That

[gutbloom.livejournal.com]

My grandmother drank prune juice. We would visit her house in Rhode Island. Once the toast-R-cakes were gone there was nothing good to eat in her house. Out of desperation we would sneak:

1. Tablespoons of bootstrap molasses
2. Saccharine tablets that looked like little candies and were kept in a small bowl on the breakfast nook table.
3. Prune juice.

Prune juices looks SO CLOSE to grape juice. I think that's why it's so painful. The dissonance between expectation and reality is quite large.

Re: I Wouldn't Fall for That

[rejectomorph]

I once mistook a nephew's glass of Coke for my glass of Guinness. It's how I learned to do a spit take.

[weetanya.livejournal.com]

dude.

stop drinking the buttermilk!

the very idea is turning my stomach.

[rejectomorph]

Only a sweet and natural lust of greater power can save me from this masochistic desire! I must have chocolate!

[daisydumont.livejournal.com]

uhmmmm. i like buttermilk. gotta put some pepper on it, though. (i don't want to know what this says about me.)

[rejectomorph]

I have long found the stuff both revolting and irresistible. I've never tried it with pepper, though I have sometimes put salt on it.

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

My dad was a total hater of buttermilk, but he didn't have a yen to drink it anyway. The only corollary I can think of in my life is that sometimes I'll eat live, bacon and onions, even though I hate liver, and I tell myself, it's okay...with enough bacon, anything tastes good...and then comes that first bite and I remember that there are not pigs enough in this world to make enough bacon to cover the strong, steely taste of this organ. But there you have it. I'll probably do it again. And strangely enough I love chopped chicken livers with egg. Chris says it must be the Jew in me; he may be right, as I also love borscht and matzoh balls and grew up in the Catskills.

Cheers! In spite of the b'milk.

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

er...as I'm sure you figured out, that's "liver, bacon and onions," not "live, bacon and onions," which is even more disturbing sounding than buttermilk with pepper. Let's hear it for dissonant palates!

[rejectomorph]

Mmm, live bacon and onions!

Of course you realize that serving liver with bacon and onions came about because, if they were served without it, bacon and onions would be eaten so often that half the population would die of fatty, salty heart attacks before they were fifty.

[annina-writes.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha!