Weather, Or Not

No idea what I'm doing today. It feels like I've gone into hyper mode with my sleep schedule. For the last couple of days I haven't been able to get back to sleep when I've woken up after only four hours of sleep. I might be heading for a four-eight-four pattern. I hate those. Getting sleepy after being awake only eight hours is annoying as hell. It always seems to come on at a most inconvenient time. Like right now. I wanted to do some tidying, but can't keep my eyes open. This place is a sty. I'm fit to be stied. Oh, there goes the brain. Crap. I'd better let it go.

It didn't rain much Wednesday, though it remained overcast all day and the ground remained damp. It was disappointing, but not really a surprise. I slept a lot, and had tasty snacks when I was awake, and finally finished the day with a sandwich, even though the day being cool it would have been a good time to use the oven. I just didn't eel like eating any of those things I had on had to bake or roast. The sandwich was decent though, and nicely washed down with the last can of Sierra Nevada Winterfest. I wish I'd bought another twelve pack of that when it was available. The Springfest they've got now is nowhere neat as good.

The indoor temperature of the apartment is still seventy degrees, so the furnace still hasn't engaged. O expect it will come on later tonight, and run a bit through Thursday, as we don't get back to warm days until Friday. Something sad that is related to that is that there is only a $45 and change climate credit this spring. Last spring it was over a hundred bucks, and I had no utility bill in either April or May, and still had a few bucks credit for June. This year I'll be lucky to get no bill in April, and I might even get one of those annoying bills for like three bucks or something. Drag.

I'm sure there was more, but I've totally forgotten what it was. I'm getting sleepy again, even though I've only been up for about ten hours. Of course the beer I had with dinner isn't helping keep me awake. I'm probably in for another one of those naps that just goes on and on. But then I've got nothing else that needs doing. I was going to fix some strawberries for shortcake, but that can wait. After all, tomorrow is another day... am I getting the vapors? Land sakes, I do declare!

So little memory of Saturday remains in my mind that I don't know how unpleasant it was. I do suspect it was unpleasant, as most days now are, and I did a lot of sleeping, which I usually do on unpleasant days, but on a scale from mediocre to awful I couldn't say where it stood. Since it became Sunday, I guess Saturday's state no longer matters. I didn't have to go out today except to empty a trash can, there being no mail delivery on Sunday, and that alone made today better than Saturday. I refuse to think about tomorrow.

Well, refuse except to comment on the weather report, of course. Because the forecast has brought disappointment. The chill with possible afternoon showers we had expected has been cancelled, and it will be 79 degrees and merely cloudy. Worse, the 100% chance of rain previously predicted for Tuesday has also been canceled, though at least the high will be only 68. The rain has been postponed until Wednesday, and the chances have been reduced to 85%. Thursday is still predicted to be coolish, but next Friday we'll be back to the above-average temperatures. The much-diminished respite from the heat could (and probably will) be further eroded in upcoming forecasts. I hope we at least get our Wednesday rain.

There is nothing glamorous to any of this, or profound, or even significant. The days go by and I hobble or sleep through them, mucking about with fragments of lives, moments I've tasted, or observed from nearby or a distance, and none of it will ever be focused or made an artifact of any kind, painting or music or poem. Maybe I get through another summer or maybe I don't, and maybe the world goes on observing the seasons and stars and thoughts, and maybe it doesn't. In time... not too much I warrant... I'll be out of it and won't have to do this anymore. In the meantime, what I can't do I can sometimes find. and though it's no redemption at least I'm glad I can at least do this.


( Sunday Verse )

Wednesday I finally gave up on when, and came pretty close to giving where the gate. What is hanging on by the skin of its teeth, but I can't say why, as that's been gone as long as how. Only who appears sound, but I'm pretty sure I can detect cracks forming in it. The cracks appear mostly in those moments just after I wake up, before the brain fog starts to clear. I think everybody knows that when who goes, it's all over.

Speaking of over, our temporally displaced summer will be going on hiatus in a few days. Next Monday, spring will make an appearance, with a high of 73 and possible afternoon showers. Tuesday, the last day of April, will turn April fresh, with rain and a high of 62. Wednesday and Thursday will continue cool, with more showers likely. I was hoping I'd get through spring without using any more gas, but it looks like a lengthy cold spell will be demanding the furnace. Too bad.

And speaking of gas, my utility bill arrived Wednesday, and it was $50.05. That's less than it could have been, but more than I'd hoped it would be. Next month there shouldn't be a bill, because it's climate credit time, which usually wipes out the April bill, unless the weather goes crazy and I end up using either loads of gas for the furnace or loads of electricity for the air conditioning. I don't think that will happen this year.

Since I slept through Wednesday's dinnertime, I just ate my last frozen lasagna. They will be on sale at Safeway this week, and I wanted to clear out space in the freezer for three more. Friday will be shopping day, and I hope they have my donuts, because I've really missed them for the last two weeks. Maybe that's why I lost when? But wait! Look at that! Why is back! Maybe there's hope for words after all.

The un-togetherness of my act is persisting through this balmy day, though I did manage to get one load of laundry done. Otherwise I've just been rather stupid and slow, and haven't begun cooking anything to eat, as I fear burning it, or even myself, in my awkwardness. If I do get around top fixing something it will probably be because I want the beer that goes with it more that I want the food.

The heat has been playing havoc with my appetite. I'm not even snacking. There are chips and crackers and such, but they remain untouched. Maybe I'll just have the beer and forget about food. That will teach it! But teach what to what? Why must my brain make things so complicated? It's not like things, or me, are important. But then I doubt complication is important either. It just seems that way when my blood sugar crashes. Oh, crap. Now I have reason to eat! What a trivial mess.

Dinner us over, and let's hope it stays that way. And that line is all I've got. Sitting here nodding off to the saddest song ever. So instead of an entry here is that sad, sad song:

Another avoidance of cooking dinner Wednesday, which led to a late consumption of soup from a can. Soup is handy, but tends to induce indigestion, especially when I take that easy way out too often. But damn, I do hate cooking in hot weather, so maybe some indigestion is a good tradeoff. I don't know. I feel lazy, but soup is usually a beerless dinner, so I'm saving a bit there.

There are tradeoffs of all sorts, to just about everything, and I am not good at thinking about them anymore or gauging them. My brain fuzz is pestering me. I just want to go to sleep. Damn, the heat peak is near and this sort of crap will probably get worse. Maybe I'll make more sense when we get back to something closer to normal seasonal temperatures. Right now I just feel chewed up and spit out. I should sleep.

Down to the imaginary wire again tonight. The growing heat got the area up to 86 degrees today, though the evening is cooling things nicely. Oddly, the apartment is currently at 74 degrees, but it feels cooler to me. It seems likely that my internal regulating system has gone out of whack. This seems to be a typical springtime event for me. I wonder what it will do when the 90-degree-plus days arrive later this week? I guess I'll find out. Tonight I'm just going to find out if I can sleep when I feel warmer than the room actually is.

A few minor tasks got done Saturday afternoon, despite a general discombobulation that took possession of my mind early on. A bush just outside my front door has burst forth with a plethora of white flowers, which I am almost certain are out to get me with their pollen, as I have been sneezing quite relentlessly all day. I still managed to assemble a meal which passed for dinner, and stayed awake long enough to eat it. Next, another minor task or two and I will head for bed.

Sleeping has been a bit difficult the last few nights, as the room temperature has been spring-like, meaning inconsistent. I can't get comfortable for long, and keep waking up to either toss a blanket aside or grab another one. It will probably take another week or two to get used to the season's quirks. Or maybe I won't adjust. Maybe spring will just collapse into premature summer and I'll have a whole different set of issues to deal with. I should just try to enjoy what spring I get.

Whoa, falling asleep at the computer again. It was a figuratively long day, or must have been, as I've already forgotten most of it. It got into the eighties, and I do remember the afternoon heat hitting my face when I went out to check the mailbox. There was nothing. I need to sign up for postal service notifications, so I won't waste energy by going out to the mailbox when I get nothing.

I've planned on doing that for a couple of years now, but the executive dysfunction has gotten strong in this decrepit brain. Maybe I'll do it today, after I've slept, but probably not, as today will be grocery shopping day, and that will keep me (and the computer) busy for a long time. I wonder if I'll even remember when tomorrow comes?

Sneezing and nose running. Damned pollen. I should start drinking a bit of tea in the evening, with a bit of local honey in it. That used to help a bit. Damn, another thing to be remembered.