Laments

My LJ client seems to have vanished. I click on its link in my menu, and nothing appears. It has been eaten. So I'm using the update page.

Tonight, I've been getting bouts of the most appalling stomach pains. More anxiety related stuff, I suspect. As a rule, I don't get much physical pain, aside from the occasional headache and a bit of indigestion, unless I do something rash that gets my back out of joint. So, this is a rare experience. I'd say I don't much like it.

The cats have been plagued with fleas this summer. It's been a long time since I've seen them scratch so much. This has been a summer of vermin, though. I've seen more bugs of various sorts in the house than in usual. Meanwhile, the bugs I best like -- butterflies -- have been conspicuous by their absence. I keep expecting this year to redeem itself in some way, but thus far it has failed to do so. Indeed, it seems to grow more delinquent with each month. I'd say I don't much like 2003.

Clouds, Literal and Otherwise

Once in a while, the sun is visible through the clouds. I can look straight at it. It is like a round light fixture of the sort I remember which hung in a dime store we used to visit when I was very young. This is only the vaguest of memories, as misty as this clouded sky. I anticipate rain. Rain would be good. The lawn is the color of straw from lack of water. The water bill has been too high, and would go even higher if the lawn were sufficiently watered, so we've let it survive with a minimum of irrigation. A decent storm would give it a late summer sheen once again.

I'm still finding it difficult to concentrate, and even this change of weather which would ordinarily capture my attention and bring me some delight is now unable to counteract the distress I'm feeling. Yeah, I'm all full of dark hints, I know, but I'm still unable to reason clearly enough to give a rational explanation of what is bothering me. That's the problem with anxiety disorders. My advice to everyone is never to have one. They make it way too difficult to deal with stressful situations. Too bad nobody has a choice about their brain chemistry.

Maybe I ought to document everything that's going on in private entries, and possibly make them public later. I don't know. I'm confused.

The world needs a do-over.