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51/81: Touch and Go on Reality
Dec. 3rd, 2024 10:56 amIt looks like I've gone back to sleeping most of the night again, which is distressing, especially when I wake up about eight o'clock in the morning and the look of the light briefly triggers the feeling that I'm going to be late for the school bus, until I remember how fecking old I am, which triggers the horror of wondering there the hell the years have gone.
I'm also not fond of that period around four when I wake up needing to pee, and before I puzzle my way out of the fog I get some weird thoughts, such as this morning when I was sure I had forgotten to do something that involved boiling liquids in a pan and directing the vapors somewhere, somehow, and I couldn't remember where or how, let alone why, and if I failed to do this on time there would be dire consequences involving the police and perhaps prison time and probably torture. This goes on for a couple of minutes, until it dawns on me that I'm not in trouble with the law but merely old and stupid and halfway demented, thank goodness.
It's probable that this morning's peculiar delusion was inspired by my letting the water from a small pot with a few broccoli bits boil away on the stove while I ate dinner Monday evening, and not realizing it until I started smelling it, so the apartment stank of scorched Teflon and broccoli as I went to sleep. That's like the third time I've scorched that pot recently, and the larger pot I've damaged by forgetfully stirring with a metal spoon so a lot of the Teflon coating has come off, and the frying pans have also suffered some damage of one sort or another, and I really ought to replace the whole cheap set, but probably won't because shopping is such an utter horror for me. But it's almost comforting in a way to remember that I was a weirdo even before I got senile. Most people would probably barely notice the change in me.
In weather news, it's looking like there'll be a change from highs in the sixties to highs in the fifties about the middle of December, accompanied by slightly increased chances of rain. Something sort of like winter, in other words. I won't kvetch too much, given that the comparative mildness of the weather will save me a lot of money on the heating bill. But January and February better get damned snowy in the mountains if they know what's good for them. Well, for us anyway.
I'm also not fond of that period around four when I wake up needing to pee, and before I puzzle my way out of the fog I get some weird thoughts, such as this morning when I was sure I had forgotten to do something that involved boiling liquids in a pan and directing the vapors somewhere, somehow, and I couldn't remember where or how, let alone why, and if I failed to do this on time there would be dire consequences involving the police and perhaps prison time and probably torture. This goes on for a couple of minutes, until it dawns on me that I'm not in trouble with the law but merely old and stupid and halfway demented, thank goodness.
It's probable that this morning's peculiar delusion was inspired by my letting the water from a small pot with a few broccoli bits boil away on the stove while I ate dinner Monday evening, and not realizing it until I started smelling it, so the apartment stank of scorched Teflon and broccoli as I went to sleep. That's like the third time I've scorched that pot recently, and the larger pot I've damaged by forgetfully stirring with a metal spoon so a lot of the Teflon coating has come off, and the frying pans have also suffered some damage of one sort or another, and I really ought to replace the whole cheap set, but probably won't because shopping is such an utter horror for me. But it's almost comforting in a way to remember that I was a weirdo even before I got senile. Most people would probably barely notice the change in me.
In weather news, it's looking like there'll be a change from highs in the sixties to highs in the fifties about the middle of December, accompanied by slightly increased chances of rain. Something sort of like winter, in other words. I won't kvetch too much, given that the comparative mildness of the weather will save me a lot of money on the heating bill. But January and February better get damned snowy in the mountains if they know what's good for them. Well, for us anyway.
