Reset Forty-Four, Day Twenty-One
Oct. 3rd, 2022 07:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rejectomorphI had a browser crash with difficult recovery this morning, leading to much delay. Sunday brought much delay, too. I woke up too early again, and then got up too early, though too early in that case was not before noon, and endured my now-normal muddle-headedness through the rest of the day. I had planned to make arrangements for a shopping trip on Monday but never got my brain sufficiently organized to do so, which means I'll have to deal with the task today, or at least attempt to do so.
There was a sandwich for dinner, followed by a growing sense of ill-being, culminating in a nap from sometime around ten o'clock until after two this morning. Not an exciting day, then. But then when are my days ever exciting anymore? I no longer seek excitement anyway, as excitement now seems more likely to result from catastrophe than anything else.
The browser crash was distressing, as it has been so long since I've had one, though I do get periodic freezes which force me to relaunch it. It seemed to start with a Google search, and after I restarted, there was another instance that threatened to cause another crash, so I used the browser's speed dial feature to go to Duck Duck Go, and searched from there, which has worked so far. I'll go back and use Google again when I'm ready to shut the computer down, to see if the misbehavior persists.
Browser crashes make me gun shy. I always expect computers to blow up in my face anyway, and expect that it will fail to cleanly kill me but will leave me permanently disabled, not physically but psychologically, which metaphorically it has already done, so I don't know why it worries me so much. I mean how much worse than it is could my technological PTSD get? And I'll be dead soon anyway, so why worry? Nevertheless I worry. I'm in an abusive relationship with the digital world. It will surely end badly.
Daylight is coming. I ought to try to get back to sleep, as a day starting as this one has is not viable. Maybe I'll start reading a new book. I have quite a selection. Books make me sleepy much better than they did when I was younger. In fact they used to keep me awake past my bedtime. I sort of miss that, though I guess that reading being soporific is a useful tool. But whatever, I'll just have to live with it, until I don't.
There was a sandwich for dinner, followed by a growing sense of ill-being, culminating in a nap from sometime around ten o'clock until after two this morning. Not an exciting day, then. But then when are my days ever exciting anymore? I no longer seek excitement anyway, as excitement now seems more likely to result from catastrophe than anything else.
The browser crash was distressing, as it has been so long since I've had one, though I do get periodic freezes which force me to relaunch it. It seemed to start with a Google search, and after I restarted, there was another instance that threatened to cause another crash, so I used the browser's speed dial feature to go to Duck Duck Go, and searched from there, which has worked so far. I'll go back and use Google again when I'm ready to shut the computer down, to see if the misbehavior persists.
Browser crashes make me gun shy. I always expect computers to blow up in my face anyway, and expect that it will fail to cleanly kill me but will leave me permanently disabled, not physically but psychologically, which metaphorically it has already done, so I don't know why it worries me so much. I mean how much worse than it is could my technological PTSD get? And I'll be dead soon anyway, so why worry? Nevertheless I worry. I'm in an abusive relationship with the digital world. It will surely end badly.
Daylight is coming. I ought to try to get back to sleep, as a day starting as this one has is not viable. Maybe I'll start reading a new book. I have quite a selection. Books make me sleepy much better than they did when I was younger. In fact they used to keep me awake past my bedtime. I sort of miss that, though I guess that reading being soporific is a useful tool. But whatever, I'll just have to live with it, until I don't.
