Reset Forty-Eight, Day Thirty-Nine
Mar. 25th, 2023 05:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rejectomorphThere was some napping Friday, and some being awake, but I recall little of either. Most likely I didn't pay attention while awake, preferring to dwell in the ephemeralities of my imagination. As time passes, I spend more and more of it there. It's the place I'm least likely to be sad or anxious anymore. The transition from being asleep to being awake is the time when I'm most vulnerable to falling into reality, such as it is, but I soon recall those moments only as discomforts akin to sitting down on a cold toilet seat or biting into a piece of rock in a bowl of beans. All the details vanish, and I return to my clouds of oblivion. I suppose I've become something like an opium addict without any opium, kicking an imaginary gong around inside my head.
Sometimes there are surprises when reality intrudes and yanks me out of my reverie. A random noise from the stupid smart phone can practically make me jump out of my skin. Less disruptive but still annoying are things such as an itch or a cramp or a sudden realization that I'm hungry because I've forgotten to eat for several hours. I guess such things are just part of the price of losing your grip on reality. I'd say they are worth it.
It's a very cold night tonight, and will be for the next couple of nights, until the next rain storm turns up on Tuesday. The chilly winter messed with my gas consumption so much that I won't be getting any utility bill zeroes out this spring. Usually I don't have one in April, thanks to a program called the California Climate Credit, but this year the company (or somebody) decided to hand out the credit in March instead, and so this month I have to pay $1.45. The bill would have been close to a hundred bucks without the credit, but I still wish I'd gotten the credit in April and May instead. I always liked having no bill to pay in April, and a reduced bill in May.
Friday's dinner was a high-end microwaved ramen bowl from the frozen food section. I've never had it before, but I'm sure now that I prefer the cheaper non-frozen ones, when they are available. Ramen bowls have been hard to get ever since the early days of the pandemic. Some flavors I liked have vanished altogether, and the selection of what remains is poor and unreliable. I have no idea what the hangup is, but I wish it was over. That was my easiest go-to meal when I didn't eel like cooking, which is most of the time, and I miss the convenience.
Losing track of time and nodding of again, like some old guy. I should drink something and go to bed. It's getting cold in here.
Sometimes there are surprises when reality intrudes and yanks me out of my reverie. A random noise from the stupid smart phone can practically make me jump out of my skin. Less disruptive but still annoying are things such as an itch or a cramp or a sudden realization that I'm hungry because I've forgotten to eat for several hours. I guess such things are just part of the price of losing your grip on reality. I'd say they are worth it.
It's a very cold night tonight, and will be for the next couple of nights, until the next rain storm turns up on Tuesday. The chilly winter messed with my gas consumption so much that I won't be getting any utility bill zeroes out this spring. Usually I don't have one in April, thanks to a program called the California Climate Credit, but this year the company (or somebody) decided to hand out the credit in March instead, and so this month I have to pay $1.45. The bill would have been close to a hundred bucks without the credit, but I still wish I'd gotten the credit in April and May instead. I always liked having no bill to pay in April, and a reduced bill in May.
Friday's dinner was a high-end microwaved ramen bowl from the frozen food section. I've never had it before, but I'm sure now that I prefer the cheaper non-frozen ones, when they are available. Ramen bowls have been hard to get ever since the early days of the pandemic. Some flavors I liked have vanished altogether, and the selection of what remains is poor and unreliable. I have no idea what the hangup is, but I wish it was over. That was my easiest go-to meal when I didn't eel like cooking, which is most of the time, and I miss the convenience.
Losing track of time and nodding of again, like some old guy. I should drink something and go to bed. It's getting cold in here.
