Reset Forty-Nine, Day Two Hundred One
Dec. 13th, 2023 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rejectomorphThe oddness of recent days is continuing, and I can't say I'm enjoying it. Or maybe I am and just don't remember doing so, as the fact is I don't remember more than a few vague scraps. I remember that it's been hard to get to sleep and even harder to wake up, and when I lie in bed unable to decide which to attempt I can't prevent my mind from wandering into directionless fantasies that sometimes turn quite weird.
For example, I keep coming up with absurd, implausible plots for books I know I won't write, and find myself inexplicably amused by them, and will sometimes laugh out loud, but then find the story takes a sudden sinister turn while remaining absurd, and I must consciously intervene to drag my thoughts back to mundane reality, lest I find myself trapped in some sort of Kafkaesque delusion. Dementia turns out to be way stranger than I'd expected, even in its early stages. With luck, I might never find out what the later stages are like, although it might be that nobody ever does, as by the time you reach them you might no longer have any idea who or what you or your brain are.
My sleep schedule got strange again too, and now I'm awake in the middle of a terribly bright day, and there is construction of some sort going on nearby, as I can hear the heavy equipment. That's sure to keep me awake, and I've grown quite tired over the last hour or so. I'm hoping they'll take a break for lunch and I can seize the quiet window of opportunity. But I expect I'll be waking up in the evening twilight again, or full night, which will be unpleasant. I'm not eager for hot weather to return, but I'll certainly be glad when the dark pit of December and January is over.
For example, I keep coming up with absurd, implausible plots for books I know I won't write, and find myself inexplicably amused by them, and will sometimes laugh out loud, but then find the story takes a sudden sinister turn while remaining absurd, and I must consciously intervene to drag my thoughts back to mundane reality, lest I find myself trapped in some sort of Kafkaesque delusion. Dementia turns out to be way stranger than I'd expected, even in its early stages. With luck, I might never find out what the later stages are like, although it might be that nobody ever does, as by the time you reach them you might no longer have any idea who or what you or your brain are.
My sleep schedule got strange again too, and now I'm awake in the middle of a terribly bright day, and there is construction of some sort going on nearby, as I can hear the heavy equipment. That's sure to keep me awake, and I've grown quite tired over the last hour or so. I'm hoping they'll take a break for lunch and I can seize the quiet window of opportunity. But I expect I'll be waking up in the evening twilight again, or full night, which will be unpleasant. I'm not eager for hot weather to return, but I'll certainly be glad when the dark pit of December and January is over.
