Weather, Or Not

Sunday brought rain and sun, alternating in such a way that I was able to get out to the laundry room without getting wet, and now I have clean clothes. Ooh, I Just forgot how to spell clothes and had to re-do it. Then I boiled some dinner which included some cabbage I'd forgotten I had that had not yet gone entirely bad. I suppose this counts as a lucky day. Maybe I'll come to regret having used up that luck on a few clean outfits and a dinner an impoverished Irish or German ancestor might have made, but for the moment I'm feeling pretty good about it, even though the sneezing has returned.

The rain is probably about over for now, but could return next week about this same time, and it's looking like the next two weeks will be on the coolish side, so I'll probably be getting a utility bill I'd rather not. And that bill will arrive during the latter part of the month, when the daily highs will be getting back up into the eighties, and I'll be confined indoors, dreaming about lazing on a long ago beach. Such a nostalgic sadness will be a brief, indulgent respite before true summer heat comes down, scorching my thoughts to ash. Thus will be the likely fate of my late days. I'll regret my lack of energy to do anything with it. Alone, surrounded by my thoughts falling through silence to oblivion.

Here is official news for all, to distract from my morose sighs: April 13, 2026 - Today is National Scrabble Day, National Make Lunch Count Day, National Liberation Day, National Unity Day, National Peach Cobbler Day, ... there are more, but I've decided it is also going to be Personal I Don't Give a Fuck Day. I probably ate too much cabbage. My stomach is out of sorts. Achoo.


( Sunday Verse )

Groceries were fetched today, and a pleasant surprise was the availability of my favorite donuts for the first time in six weeks. Only one item was substituted, and only one other was unavailable. After my niece dropped the groceries off and I got most of them put way I went out to check the mail, and found my issue of Wired, only slightly dampened with water from early morning's rain wicked up from the mailbox floor. It was good timing, as half an hour after I brought it in there was sudden overcast and thunder and the sky opened again for a good half hour.

There is apt to be more rain tonight, and on both Saturday and Sunday. I think I can forget about my climate credit covering my entire utility bill for April. Even when milder days return next week, the highs will be only in the seventies, and and nocturnal lows will mostly be in the forties. The next high of eighty won't be until Friday the 24th. That will be my next shopping day, and the utility bill should arrive by then so I can write my check for six bucks, or whatever ridiculous little sum it is, and get it mailed off in a timely manner. If I were still getting out and about, I might combine a visit to Piggy's (PG&E's) office with a trip downtown. I don't think they can refuse to accept cash payment in person at their office, or charge any kind of extra fee for it. They do charge a fee for paying by phone or online with a credit or debit card. Utility companies are not admirable.

I can't say much about Thursday, because I don't remember it. There is a vague impression that I slept through nine or ten daylight hours, but that was so long ago I can't be sure. It was a troubling time, I suppose. I'm glad those days are gone. I'll probably be glad when today is gone, too, which it will be in about an hour. I think I will make some tea and eat a couple of cookies, then hit the proverbial hay. Maybe the rain will come back to sing me to sleep.

Days managing to pass despite my inattention, I guess I don't mean much to them. Apparently I don't know much about weather either, because I was assuming it would be summery from here on out, and now the forecast is telling me more rain over the next weekend. Thundershowers Friday afternoon (shopping day!) and rain on Saturday, with more showers possible Sunday. Chilly, too, with highs in the sixties. More gas for the furnace, I guess, and probably a utility bill larger than the climate credit I'll be getting. I'll end up having to do something stupid, like write a check for three bucks. But at least no hot days are coming up, so I won't have to use air conditioning.

I dawdled so much Monday night that I never got around to cooking the dinner I'd planned, and around midnight I just made a tuna sandwich. Some people call it a tuna fish sandwich, but in English I've never heard of anything other than fish called tuna, so tuna fish sounds redundant to me. In Spanish, a cactus apple (some people call them cactus pears, but I don't want to layer tangents) is called a tuna, but as far as I know nobody makes cactus apple (or pear) sandwiches, and if they did they probably wouldn't be people who call a fish tuna. But where was I going with this? If I ever knew, I've forgotten now.

Anyway, I enjoyed the sandwich, but since then my stomach has given indications that it wasn't as happy with it as the rest of me was. I'm thinking I might just go to bed and see if I can get to sleep before it starts hurting worse. My afternoon nap ended at seven o'clock, and I've been awake about long enough now anyway.

No idea what I'm doing today. It feels like I've gone into hyper mode with my sleep schedule. For the last couple of days I haven't been able to get back to sleep when I've woken up after only four hours of sleep. I might be heading for a four-eight-four pattern. I hate those. Getting sleepy after being awake only eight hours is annoying as hell. It always seems to come on at a most inconvenient time. Like right now. I wanted to do some tidying, but can't keep my eyes open. This place is a sty. I'm fit to be stied. Oh, there goes the brain. Crap. I'd better let it go.

It didn't rain much Wednesday, though it remained overcast all day and the ground remained damp. It was disappointing, but not really a surprise. I slept a lot, and had tasty snacks when I was awake, and finally finished the day with a sandwich, even though the day being cool it would have been a good time to use the oven. I just didn't eel like eating any of those things I had on had to bake or roast. The sandwich was decent though, and nicely washed down with the last can of Sierra Nevada Winterfest. I wish I'd bought another twelve pack of that when it was available. The Springfest they've got now is nowhere neat as good.

The indoor temperature of the apartment is still seventy degrees, so the furnace still hasn't engaged. O expect it will come on later tonight, and run a bit through Thursday, as we don't get back to warm days until Friday. Something sad that is related to that is that there is only a $45 and change climate credit this spring. Last spring it was over a hundred bucks, and I had no utility bill in either April or May, and still had a few bucks credit for June. This year I'll be lucky to get no bill in April, and I might even get one of those annoying bills for like three bucks or something. Drag.

I'm sure there was more, but I've totally forgotten what it was. I'm getting sleepy again, even though I've only been up for about ten hours. Of course the beer I had with dinner isn't helping keep me awake. I'm probably in for another one of those naps that just goes on and on. But then I've got nothing else that needs doing. I was going to fix some strawberries for shortcake, but that can wait. After all, tomorrow is another day... am I getting the vapors? Land sakes, I do declare!

So little memory of Saturday remains in my mind that I don't know how unpleasant it was. I do suspect it was unpleasant, as most days now are, and I did a lot of sleeping, which I usually do on unpleasant days, but on a scale from mediocre to awful I couldn't say where it stood. Since it became Sunday, I guess Saturday's state no longer matters. I didn't have to go out today except to empty a trash can, there being no mail delivery on Sunday, and that alone made today better than Saturday. I refuse to think about tomorrow.

Well, refuse except to comment on the weather report, of course. Because the forecast has brought disappointment. The chill with possible afternoon showers we had expected has been cancelled, and it will be 79 degrees and merely cloudy. Worse, the 100% chance of rain previously predicted for Tuesday has also been canceled, though at least the high will be only 68. The rain has been postponed until Wednesday, and the chances have been reduced to 85%. Thursday is still predicted to be coolish, but next Friday we'll be back to the above-average temperatures. The much-diminished respite from the heat could (and probably will) be further eroded in upcoming forecasts. I hope we at least get our Wednesday rain.

There is nothing glamorous to any of this, or profound, or even significant. The days go by and I hobble or sleep through them, mucking about with fragments of lives, moments I've tasted, or observed from nearby or a distance, and none of it will ever be focused or made an artifact of any kind, painting or music or poem. Maybe I get through another summer or maybe I don't, and maybe the world goes on observing the seasons and stars and thoughts, and maybe it doesn't. In time... not too much I warrant... I'll be out of it and won't have to do this anymore. In the meantime, what I can't do I can sometimes find. and though it's no redemption at least I'm glad I can at least do this.


( Sunday Verse )

Wednesday I finally gave up on when, and came pretty close to giving where the gate. What is hanging on by the skin of its teeth, but I can't say why, as that's been gone as long as how. Only who appears sound, but I'm pretty sure I can detect cracks forming in it. The cracks appear mostly in those moments just after I wake up, before the brain fog starts to clear. I think everybody knows that when who goes, it's all over.

Speaking of over, our temporally displaced summer will be going on hiatus in a few days. Next Monday, spring will make an appearance, with a high of 73 and possible afternoon showers. Tuesday, the last day of April, will turn April fresh, with rain and a high of 62. Wednesday and Thursday will continue cool, with more showers likely. I was hoping I'd get through spring without using any more gas, but it looks like a lengthy cold spell will be demanding the furnace. Too bad.

And speaking of gas, my utility bill arrived Wednesday, and it was $50.05. That's less than it could have been, but more than I'd hoped it would be. Next month there shouldn't be a bill, because it's climate credit time, which usually wipes out the April bill, unless the weather goes crazy and I end up using either loads of gas for the furnace or loads of electricity for the air conditioning. I don't think that will happen this year.

Since I slept through Wednesday's dinnertime, I just ate my last frozen lasagna. They will be on sale at Safeway this week, and I wanted to clear out space in the freezer for three more. Friday will be shopping day, and I hope they have my donuts, because I've really missed them for the last two weeks. Maybe that's why I lost when? But wait! Look at that! Why is back! Maybe there's hope for words after all.

The un-togetherness of my act is persisting through this balmy day, though I did manage to get one load of laundry done. Otherwise I've just been rather stupid and slow, and haven't begun cooking anything to eat, as I fear burning it, or even myself, in my awkwardness. If I do get around top fixing something it will probably be because I want the beer that goes with it more that I want the food.

The heat has been playing havoc with my appetite. I'm not even snacking. There are chips and crackers and such, but they remain untouched. Maybe I'll just have the beer and forget about food. That will teach it! But teach what to what? Why must my brain make things so complicated? It's not like things, or me, are important. But then I doubt complication is important either. It just seems that way when my blood sugar crashes. Oh, crap. Now I have reason to eat! What a trivial mess.

Dinner us over, and let's hope it stays that way. And that line is all I've got. Sitting here nodding off to the saddest song ever. So instead of an entry here is that sad, sad song:

Another avoidance of cooking dinner Wednesday, which led to a late consumption of soup from a can. Soup is handy, but tends to induce indigestion, especially when I take that easy way out too often. But damn, I do hate cooking in hot weather, so maybe some indigestion is a good tradeoff. I don't know. I feel lazy, but soup is usually a beerless dinner, so I'm saving a bit there.

There are tradeoffs of all sorts, to just about everything, and I am not good at thinking about them anymore or gauging them. My brain fuzz is pestering me. I just want to go to sleep. Damn, the heat peak is near and this sort of crap will probably get worse. Maybe I'll make more sense when we get back to something closer to normal seasonal temperatures. Right now I just feel chewed up and spit out. I should sleep.