Winter

[rejectomorph]

Up the street, the hidden porch light of a house is illuminating the bare twigs of an oak, making them seem like a puff of smoke in the rainy night.

The branches of the ponderosas droop heavily with the rain.

Now that the apple trees in the orchard have lost most of their leaves, I can see the lights of a house on the next street.

One of the cats is on the back porch, watching the night. The other is curled sleeping behind my chair.

I hear the water dripping from the eaves and the low rumble of air in the ductwork.

There will be things to do today.

I take refuge in the commonplace and in the things of the world.

Now, I am wondering how long my denial of impending disaster can be sustained.

Comments

[rejectomorph]

Thanks.

The disaster is that sometime in the indeterminate (but near) future, everything in my life will change, not for the better. I don't deal well with massive disruption, and that is exactly what I'm in for.

I've been caring for my aging parents for a couple of years now, and their conditions are deteriorating. There will need to be all sorts of adjustments and arrangements and all with no good end.

[shibumi.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your parents, but if their condition is deteriorating should they not go into a nursing home? Or is that the massive disruption you were talking about?

[rejectomorph]

No, they are quite determined not to go into a nursing home. Their deterioration thus far is entirely physical. Mentally, they are both alert, and know exactly what they want, but they are no longer capable of doing it for themselves. So, I attend to their needs at night, and in the daytime, my sister usually comes over for a few hours to help out. But it is getting more difficult all the time. I know that, sooner or later, there is likely to be a crisis which I will be unable to handle.

Also, once they are gone, I have to go about getting my normal life back, which I can't do in this backwater, and that means even more disruption. Everything is pretty much up in the air right now. I can't make plans when I don't know what is going to happen, or when it will happen. It's an annoying situation to be in.

[blue-by-you.livejournal.com]

Hello Flying Blind. I just stumbled across this post and the comments and felt like sending you something - a hug? a thought? acknowledgement and understanding? Like you, we take care of my mom, or I should say, Ken does mostly. I get out of the house at least to go to work. It is tough, and it feels so surreal, having your life (the life you used to have) hanging somewhere in the background like a party you slipped out of for awhile and want to get back to, lest you miss something good.

[rejectomorph]

Thanks. I know that quite a few people are in this position, and your description of the effect is quite apt. But, in my case, the party is probably over, and I'll have to find another one when I get the chance. There will be a lot of catching up to do.