Reset Thirty-Nine Day Five

Another day of forgetting stuff Wednesday, and another night of having a hard time getting to sleep and getting up. My brain probably isn't getting enough oxygen. Walking the hundred feet out to the mailbox and a hundred back left me exhausted. The mail was my monthly energy report, which told me that I'm doing great, using less energy than efficient dwellings in my neighborhood. But that is PG&E's energy. It says nothing at all about my energy. A report about that would say disastrous.

It's supposed to get windy today but it isn't yet. It's likely to rain next Tuesday, but I won't be surprised if it doesn't. Right now my sinuses feel like all the bees are storing all their pollen in them. I'm also drinking more caffeine, though I'm pretty sure the caffeine I drank yesterday had a lot to do with my subsequent experience of bad sleep. But it tastes so good with the extra donut I'm eating, even though the extra donuts I've been eating probably have a lot to do with the subsequent stomach discomfort I've been feeling. The caffeine and donut remind me of happier times when self indulgence did not have such immediate unpleasant consequences. How could I not enjoy reliving past pleasurable folly when undergoing the decline it produced? It is evidence that I've not lost the crucial ability to lie to myself, so essential to endurance when all else is gone.

Copying this post to Dreamwidth, just in case. I still haven't rescued the orphaned parts of this journal, though I'll try to get around to that today.