![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Reset Forty-Four, Day Eleven
Sep. 23rd, 2022 04:50 amIt's possible I actually got enough sleep Thursday, though there were a few interruptions. It probably added up to about eight hours, and I haven't done as much nodding off since getting up a bit after two in the afternoon as I have been doing most days for the last few weeks. While I can't say I feel great, I can say I don't feel particularly crappy. Just sort of meh. Hell, I'll take it.
Once again I didn't feel like fixing dinner, so I ate one of those packets of tuna. This one was flavored with jalapeno, which is probably my favorite after Thai chili, but Thai chili hasn't been available for quite a while, so I've been getting the jalapeno. The packets are small so when I have one as a substitute for an actual meal I usually have a few crackers with it. This time I happened to have a package of Fritos sitting nearby, so I ate those rather than be arsed to move my arse to the cupboard to fetch the crackers I'd forgotten to bring to the table. They were adequate.
But then I got hungry again later, and since the tuna and Fritos hadn't provoked any great nausea, I started munching on a chocolate bar I got last time I was at Trader Joe's. It's not the usual Belgian chocolate with almonds, though I also bought one of those, but a dark Swiss chocolate with hazelnuts. I was expecting it to have the hazelnuts pulverized and distributed through the chocolate, which is usual with chocolate hazelnut candy, but it turned out to have whole hazelnuts in it. I think I prefer it the other way, though I am fond of whole hazelnuts. We used to have them sometimes when I was a kid, in the shell, though we called them filberts.
Something about the flavor and the crunch took my thoughts back to those times in Los Angeles, sitting in the paneled den overlooking the suburbanized valley stretching to the mountains, cracking nuts and eating them as a long afternoon passed. I hadn't thought of that in years... decades, really. Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten from such moments to a present one, even though I have been on that journey all along. Somehow some connection seems to be missing, a continuity. Maybe I've just forgotten what I never understood in its true time.
But here I am, eating chocolate studded with nostalgia in the chilled night of the strange mini-metropolis I never planned to be in, trying to connect the present with at least some past by watching music videos. Not surprisingly, I like the ones with ambiguity. Tonight I've been repeating the Australian version of Ice House's "No Promises," with a much younger Iva Davies and his now faintly absurd yet still endearing 1980s mullet and stripped pants, and his evocative, meaningfully inexplicable lyrics. How did that long gone time ever come to this? And that big, scary wave at the beginning of the video grabs me. Every time I see it, it feels like incomprehensible truth washing my consciousness away. I sure as hell enjoy that sensation. I wonder why?
Once again I didn't feel like fixing dinner, so I ate one of those packets of tuna. This one was flavored with jalapeno, which is probably my favorite after Thai chili, but Thai chili hasn't been available for quite a while, so I've been getting the jalapeno. The packets are small so when I have one as a substitute for an actual meal I usually have a few crackers with it. This time I happened to have a package of Fritos sitting nearby, so I ate those rather than be arsed to move my arse to the cupboard to fetch the crackers I'd forgotten to bring to the table. They were adequate.
But then I got hungry again later, and since the tuna and Fritos hadn't provoked any great nausea, I started munching on a chocolate bar I got last time I was at Trader Joe's. It's not the usual Belgian chocolate with almonds, though I also bought one of those, but a dark Swiss chocolate with hazelnuts. I was expecting it to have the hazelnuts pulverized and distributed through the chocolate, which is usual with chocolate hazelnut candy, but it turned out to have whole hazelnuts in it. I think I prefer it the other way, though I am fond of whole hazelnuts. We used to have them sometimes when I was a kid, in the shell, though we called them filberts.
Something about the flavor and the crunch took my thoughts back to those times in Los Angeles, sitting in the paneled den overlooking the suburbanized valley stretching to the mountains, cracking nuts and eating them as a long afternoon passed. I hadn't thought of that in years... decades, really. Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten from such moments to a present one, even though I have been on that journey all along. Somehow some connection seems to be missing, a continuity. Maybe I've just forgotten what I never understood in its true time.
But here I am, eating chocolate studded with nostalgia in the chilled night of the strange mini-metropolis I never planned to be in, trying to connect the present with at least some past by watching music videos. Not surprisingly, I like the ones with ambiguity. Tonight I've been repeating the Australian version of Ice House's "No Promises," with a much younger Iva Davies and his now faintly absurd yet still endearing 1980s mullet and stripped pants, and his evocative, meaningfully inexplicable lyrics. How did that long gone time ever come to this? And that big, scary wave at the beginning of the video grabs me. Every time I see it, it feels like incomprehensible truth washing my consciousness away. I sure as hell enjoy that sensation. I wonder why?
