51/48: Uncool/Cool
Oct. 30th, 2024 10:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rejectomorphIt's funny how during that interval between waking up and finally dragging my aged ass out of bed all the problems sometimes seem utterly intractable and humanity hopelessly doomed and other times those problems could be solved as easily as singing a happy song. I know my brain has gone bipolar on hope, but I have no idea what sets it off on one or the other trajectory. I'm not taking any medications, and my diet doesn't change that much from day to day, and even my alcohol consumption is routine and moderate, but some days I wake up as though I were still twenty and ready to kick ass, and others I open my eyes and fall through the yawning cracks of Hell. On the latter days I can't even escape into my fantasy life, as it follows the same pattern, or lack of one. I suppose it's another age-related thing I'll just have to accustom myself to.
Anyway, today (Wednesday) was a moderately untroubled morning in my brain, but reality decided I needed a dose of pessimism, so my computer froze up twice and had to be rebooted, slowly and tediously, while I worried myself with fantasies about being unable to do banking or order groceries or pay certain bills because I've allowed myself to become entirely dependent on a technology I know is going to bring hassles and ultimately fail utterly, when civilization collapses in a flaming pile of hubristic overreach. Apocalypse! What an annoying distraction to have to put up with when you want to concentrate on dying decently.
But then it's a nice day, much like Tuesday, with lots of rumpley clouds catching the morning light, and crisp, cool autumn air. In fact I've had my breakfast orange juice and donut and iced tea, and right now I'm enjoying a bowl of kimchee ramen, hot in both temperature and spice. Despite the chill, the furnace hardly ran at all Tuesday, and probably overnight (though I slept a long time) and so far today has only cycled on once. It's expected to be partly cloudy all day, and then there is an 81% chance of showers overnight. There is a decent chance of rain showers on Friday and Saturday too. I'll enjoy that if I'm still around.
I'm nice and warmed up from the ramen, and would take a nap now but I'm not tired, having slept until almost dawn. I might putz around on the Idernet, or maybe read a bit in a book. I should probably vacuum the apartment, but don't feel like it. My eyesight has gotten so bad I can't see the dirt anyway, so there'd probably be almost as much after I vacuum as before. And I'd never know, and I don't get visitors, so hooray for sloth. Simple pleasures. That's old age's compensation.
Anyway, today (Wednesday) was a moderately untroubled morning in my brain, but reality decided I needed a dose of pessimism, so my computer froze up twice and had to be rebooted, slowly and tediously, while I worried myself with fantasies about being unable to do banking or order groceries or pay certain bills because I've allowed myself to become entirely dependent on a technology I know is going to bring hassles and ultimately fail utterly, when civilization collapses in a flaming pile of hubristic overreach. Apocalypse! What an annoying distraction to have to put up with when you want to concentrate on dying decently.
But then it's a nice day, much like Tuesday, with lots of rumpley clouds catching the morning light, and crisp, cool autumn air. In fact I've had my breakfast orange juice and donut and iced tea, and right now I'm enjoying a bowl of kimchee ramen, hot in both temperature and spice. Despite the chill, the furnace hardly ran at all Tuesday, and probably overnight (though I slept a long time) and so far today has only cycled on once. It's expected to be partly cloudy all day, and then there is an 81% chance of showers overnight. There is a decent chance of rain showers on Friday and Saturday too. I'll enjoy that if I'm still around.
I'm nice and warmed up from the ramen, and would take a nap now but I'm not tired, having slept until almost dawn. I might putz around on the Idernet, or maybe read a bit in a book. I should probably vacuum the apartment, but don't feel like it. My eyesight has gotten so bad I can't see the dirt anyway, so there'd probably be almost as much after I vacuum as before. And I'd never know, and I don't get visitors, so hooray for sloth. Simple pleasures. That's old age's compensation.
